How Darcy Lewis became Darcy Lokiswife
by CrossoverAUman
Summary: And gave birth to a Wolf-boy: AU: Darcy knew marrying this guy would be trouble, but she didn't realize it would be THIS much trouble. Now married and VERY pregnant, can she deal with being a goddess, a wife AND queen of Jotunhiem? Read and find out! DarcyXLoki, ThorXJane, Pepperony, Blackhawk, Nick FuryXSif, the usual! Now with the proper spelling of 'became' in the title!
1. Chapter 1

It was official, this treaty between Earth and Asgard. One Human, chosen by the Asgardian Royal Family, to wed one of the Princes of Asgard. And who was the (not so blushing OR happy) bride-to-be?

Darcy Lewis, former research assistant and current… well, betrothed fiancé thingy to some Norse God.

'_God, if you're out there, don't let it be that Bald dude that supposedly got killed by mistletoe. I bet he was actually a real ass and that's why Loki killed him. And God, if you're listening and granting wishes, please don't let it be Thor- Jane would kill me, and I really like life. I can't complain, really... Speaking of Jane, there she is… Shit, she's crying, what'do I do? Keep walking, Darcy, don't look up until you hit the alter, don't say anything, don't sob, just walk. I fucking hope this dude I'm being married to can't read minds, that'd be awkward. Hey, mind reader future husband dude! Get out of my head! This is my head, not yours! Get your own fucking head!'_

Somebody laughed, and by the richness of it, they were probably from the groom's side- or the groom.

'_Keep walking, only twenty feet to go… Is that an 8 legged horse? How the fuck…? You know what? I don't want to know. And why is there a snake in the pews? Oh, I know where this is heading… Hey, where's the half dead girl and the wolf? Ok, there's the half dead girl… I think. She looks more like a vampire then anything… Still no wolf… Oh, here I am, at the alter!_

Darcy and the groom both knelt before Odin, his spear in hand as he began to give a long winded speech on marriage and how this union would be a good one.

'_Boooooooring! Come on, one eyed old dude, get on with it! "By the powers of my father and his father before him!..." God he sounds snooty. And like Anthony Hopkins. Isn't he supposed to be my future father in law too? Hey, I wonder if he'd be willing to say 'Hello, Clarice' after a few drinks? That shit'd be funny! Hey, time to kiss the Groom dude!'_

And both Bride and Groom looked up, brown eyes meeting green.

'_In answer to your questions- yes, I read minds, yes that was an 8 legged horse, he's your stepson now; I won't tell you how I had him, there's a snake in the church because he's my son as well, there is no wolf (not yet anyways) and, sorry to say, Odin never gets drunk. Might be funny though.'_

And Loki and Darcy locked eyes again and burst out laughing.

(Line Break)

It turned out that the aftermath of weddings was the same on Asgard as it was for Darcy- one big fucking party! With booze! And friends! And Booze!

Of course, it took a while for the Asgardians to catch onto the idea of 'dancing', but once someone taught Sif to shake her hips to rumba music, everything got started up, and next thing Darcy knew, she and the groom were doing the limbo! The innocent version at least… Until the snake got into the ale and started flirting with Jane and he and Thor started fighting and Loki had to go break it up…

"So, what was that about a wolf earlier?" Loki asked silently as they slow danced (which was supposed to be a time for quiet chit chat in Asgardian tradition.)  
"All those books they made me read said you had a wolf for a son. I saw all the other kids you were supposed to have, so…"  
"Reasonable. I had a PET wolf when I was younger so I suppose they started the stories considering I have two animal children already. But no, no, I don't have a wolf for a son."  
"Shoot, because that would've made an awesome story to tell at a coffee hop- 'Oh, your stepson made the soccor team? Mine's a giant wolf who's going to eat the sun and moon, bitches!' You have to admit, that'd be awesome!"

Loki chuckled almost darkly. "You know, I'm starting to think that Mother picked you for me to wed so this would be a game instead of a punishment for me… You're an entertaining mortal, Darcy Lokiswife, and I look forward to the next fifty years, I think…"

Darcy giggled before giving a grin. "Well, Mr. Odinson, I might just have to make you eat those words!"

And Odin shuddered in fear of what he might have started- because this girl would either save Loki or damn them all…

(LINE!)  
AN: An AU to my story Fenrir and his Expanding Family, in which Loki never created Fenrir after Fenris died, and so the stress of loosing a third child from Asgard never set him on the winding road to crazy, and so when Thor was banished, instead of staying as king, Loki went to conquer Jotunhiem on his own (Bad Loki, bad!) as an attempt to please Odin and curry favor for Thor to be brought back. Thus, no Destroyer, no broken Bifrost, no falling off of aforementioned Rainbow Bridge, no Chitauri, no Thanos, no Avengers!

Ok, so the Avengers still form to battle 'Loki', but really it's Thanos having stolen Loki's form, and Loki's safe in Asgard awaiting punishment for trying to, you know, take over another planet. So the Avengers still form, but Coulson doesn't die! Not that I'd killed him in 'Fenrir', but whatever!

Another interesting note, Darcy is Fenrir's BIOLOGICAL mother in this story- Loki added a bit of her into Fen, making him a Jotun/Asgardian/Wolf/Human hybrid. Onto the next chapter!


	2. Chapter 2

The next morning…

Darcy groaned as she opened her eyes to a splitting headache. She was on the bed in their expensive hotel that Tony Stark had BOUGHT for the occasion (She'd have to thank him later at some point). She was, unsurprisingly, naked, but she was at least covered in a rather soft blanket that smelled strongly of birds and spring time.  
"Ah, and the bride awakens- don't worry, you're only nude because you threw up rather violently on the dress after eating Iudun's apples. Everyone does, don't feel bad. It's your body changing into that of an Asgardian. You'll be experiencing a horrid headache like you consumed too much ale, and in a few hours you'll want to eat furniture, most likely."

"Eat furniture?... Wha'?" Darcy said, confused and in pain.  
"I always wished to dine on furniture, at any rate, though you may crave otherwise. By dinner tonight, you'll be half Aesir."

"… Goody? Ow, oh my head hurts. Get me a Tylenol, husband/serving wench dude!"  
"… I'll only do it because you're in pain… And I'm not a wench! Strange voice from the walls, what is this 'Tylenol' of which the lady speaks?"

"It helps prevent pain, sir, should I send for some? I would get it myself, but Mr. Stark has yet to put the tube system into the walls as of this moment."

"Strange mortal contraption…" Loki muttered.  
"Be nice to the funny British voice … I need him to like me so I can have pain relief and get all trippy. Owww, my head."  
"Trippy? Why will you lose your balance?"  
"No, no, I'll feel really weird and start talking about things that aren't there!"  
"In my experience, Women do that all the time anyways…"

A knock on the door interrupted their rousing conversation, and Loki flicked his wrist, magicking the door open. He took the Tylenol and nodded a wordless thanks to the hotel server before slamming the door in the man's face and breaking the fingers of the hand held out for a tip (Though Loki didn't realize this until a while later, and made sure that a rather large sum of money found its way to the man's bank account…)

"Here, woman," he said, handing Darcy the pills and conjuring a glass of water. "I've found a glass of water always helps after a suppository."

"Wait, what? No, no, no, no, I don't shove these in my ass, I swallow them!"

Loki looked confused, then shrugged, shook his head and said "Odd. Back on Asgard we have a tablet that does the exact same thing, save it has to be… well, you get the idea. Looks exactly like this as well…"

"Ow, don't care, ow, pain medication NOW!"

Loki knew better than to argue with a woman who could make him laugh.

Sometimes, if he had a quiet moment to himself, Odin would lie down on his bed, watching the ceiling, his eyes detecting patterns that weren't truly there. Sometimes, he saw the past, sometimes the present, but mostly he saw the future, and what he saw on this night as he lay next to his wife disturbed them. He knew Ragnarok was coming- it always came, every two thousand years- but the visions he saw made him wary. Treachery from all sides, all manner of beasts being led against the forces of the Aesir…

It terrified him, it truly terrified him.

Loki stared discreetly at Darcy's ass as she conversed with that 'Captain America' fellow. They were discussing something called an 'Eye phone', which sounded rather disturbing to the God. Telephones he'd known about- he helped invent them, just to see what would happen- but to use actual EYES in them sounded wrong…

Darcy was adjusting well to being no longer fully human, which pleased Loki. She was still getting used to being stronger than most others, but had taken to ice magic well. The Stark human called them 'Frosty and Ice-chip' as some attempt at a joke; Loki never saw the humor in it, and neither did his wife it seemed, as she threatened a repeat performance of the man flying out a window.

She continued to assist Thor's woman in her scientific studies- now that they could travel to Asgard at any time, Odin had the woman studying the Bifrost so they could re-create the lost technology (They had one Bifrost, and any work done to it was strictly repair, lest they break it accidentally…) and open up the chance for Midgard to join the other realms under their own power.

Loki, despite living in a tower with them, tended to avoid the Avengers, if and when possible. The use of his image by Thanos to attempt Midgard's destruction had created something of a rift between he and the mortals, though it had been explained time and again that it hadn't been him commanding an army. In all honesty, though, Loki did enjoy the company of the Archer, Hawkeye. Both reveled in use of long range weapons, and as Darcy and the archer's woman (though both he and the Black Widow would deny this statement empirically) got along well enough, the four often found themselves drawn together.

"Oi, Frost face, take a picture, it'll last longer. Oh wait, I'm immortal now, my ass WILL last longer than a photo!"  
Loki sighed, a slight smile gracing his features. "Again, dear wife, your wit brow beats me into submission."  
"That's not the only part of me that can beat you into submission, and you know it."

Captain America blanched at this little exchange.  
"You look unwell, Captain." Loki said, enjoying this little joke and the affect it had on the iconic super soldier. "Perhaps you should lie down."  
"Yeah, Steve, he's right! Lay your squeezable butt down, we'll go find you a hooker who knows what she's doing so you don't have to miss out on the fun!"

"Inefficient, Darcy. We'll simply bring him with us next time we retire. Much more cost effective, yes?"

Steve fainted, prompting Darcy to poke at him lightly with her boot. "Dude, I think we broke him. Sweet, I broke Captain America!"  
Loki full out smiled at this. "You know, eventually he'll either catch onto our little game or develop serious head trauma from all this fainting."

"Yeah, I know, and Coulson will have my ass." Darcy said, rolling her eyes in an exaggerated fashion. "But it's so much fun!"

"Very. Now, are you ready for your magic lesson for the day? I feel we're approaching a real breakthrough with making the ice 'flow', Darcy."  
"Sure. But first…" She grabbed a mug of coffee, downed it and threw it to the ground. "ANOTHER!"

With a cackle, she caused the mug to reform and fill with coffee again as it flew into her hands. "Man, that trick will never get old!"

Loki could only roll his eyes in amusement.

(LINE! LINE! "Yeah, we can definitely tell you're lined…")

Sif was not a happy warrior. She would have rather been on Asgard training then on this backwater planet in this backwater realm, working with backwater mortals to protect the place.  
It was nice to see other women warriors though, if nothing else.

The one thing that made her job as envoy to this S.H.I.E.L.D better was its leader, Nick Fury. She respected him, and saw much of herself in him- stubborn, ruthless and deadly. The two had a quiet friendship that somehow evolved into her making sure he slept and him making sure she did the same even if they had to drag the other to their respective bed (which, despite being mortal, Fury could do quite easily. The man's a hard ass!)

Sif entered the bridge, eyes scanning for any threats. Fury was at his post, commanding the vessel.  
"Man of Fury." She said in greeting, nodding toward him.  
"Lady Sif." He replied, returning the nod.

Fury had a sunken look in his eyes, and Sif nearly sighed.  
"When was the last time you slept, Nicholas?"  
"When was the last time YOU slept, Sif?" he snarked, always ready to duel with his words.  
"Around the same time you did. This coffee creation of your realm's is quite useful."  
"We'll negotiate about trading it to Asgard later."  
Sif smiled, a small thing, barely noticeable.

Perhaps this backwater world had something to offer after all.

(I have an Army. "Yeah? Well we have a Line.")

Steve stood on the hill side, wind quietly blowing. He was in a graveyard, and as he walked through the tombstones, tears threatened to fall. He reached his destination and read the words on the stone.  
_Peggy Carter:  
Brave Soldier,  
Loving friend,  
Loyal Lover.  
1915-2010  
_"Hey Peggy. It's me again. Just wanted to stop by, see how you were. Brought some flowers… Here."

Setting the bright carnations on the grave, Steve knelt, somber as could be. "I'm sorry I wasn't around… II know I promised you a dance, but I hope you found someone who could be there when I wasn't…"

"She didn't, you know."

Steve whipped around to face a boy of about 20 years old. He was dressed in long black pants and a grey shirt. He sounded suspiciously British as he stuck out his hand to greet Steve.  
"Bucky Carter- and I'll take it you're Steve 'You still owe me a dance you blonde American buggerer!' Rogers?"  
Steve winced at the description and the boy chuckled.  
"Don't worry, sir, she was just stressed when she'd be saying that. She used it as a way to calm down. Never danced again after you disappeared. That's why I had'em carve the 'Loyal Lover' bit on there."  
"You seem to know a lot about her, Bucky…"

Bucky laughed.  
"Yeah, I do. She adopted me when I was about 10 weeks old. Mama spent a lot on donating to orphanages and hospitals over the years. The military too, but mostly orphanages and hospitals."  
"You mind if I ask how she died?..."  
"Heart attack while running the "Captain America memorial race". She ran that race every year, and even though I pretty much begged her not to run it this last year, she told me, in no uncertain terms "Bucky Steven Carter, I am running that race! And if I collapse, you carry my bloody ass across that finish line, THEN I'll die." Didn't have to carry her across the line. She did it herself. Ran straight across, turned and told me to always wear clean underwear so Captain America would be proud and then died right there…"

The two sat in silence, then Steve looked confused and said "Wear clean underwear so I'd be proud."? What?"

"Always a joke between us, like how parents would say "Captain America always ate his vegtables", or "Captain America never skipped his math homework". For me it was always "Wear clean underwear." Because we thought it would be funny."

"People really say that stuff?"  
"Just heard it today, in fact. It's started up again since you came back, mostly."  
"I feel so old all of a sudden…"  
"Hey, what can you do? Mama's dead, best you can do is live your life like she lived hers."  
"How's that?"  
"With a hand in the cookie jar, both feet out the car window and tanning on the nude beach at 92." Bucky said with a smile.

Then Steve returned the smile, his first real one since waking up.  
"Yeah, I think I can do that."

(The Animaniacs present 'Line time'!)

"We represent the law firm of 'Warner, Warner, Warner, and Mime. Eh, he's our silent partner."  
"Hahahahaha! Hulk like funny monkey puppy kids!"  
"Verily, friend Hulk! These strange creatures bring much mirth to me as well!"

And that was how Hulk and Thor began to bond- over Animaniacs.


	3. Important note! Please don't kill me!

This story, much as I love it, is getting a rewrite. I'll leave the first chapters up until I can get around to it, but it's sort of on the back burner, behind my Twilight fic (yeah, I'm doing a Twilight fic, shut up!), a MLP FiM fic for a friend (she challenged me to do it!) and a strange story my friend and I are doing that'll be a graphic novel based off of the Norse Myths and Once Upon a Time. Let THAT fester in your heads!


End file.
